can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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