Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
