dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
