just tell him i said nine months
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
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... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
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i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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