Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
