I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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