Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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