I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
