Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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