I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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