Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
