I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
