Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.