I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music