??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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