you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
