When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
