woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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