i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
