dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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