God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
