No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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