if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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