He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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