Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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