I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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