how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
