after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
