I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
