Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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