I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
