remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
