Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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