Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
