just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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