I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm eating all of the evidence.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
