idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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