so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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