My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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