I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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