Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Come see our sink grown plant.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
