The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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