Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
