HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
