Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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