i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why are your pants in the freezer?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
