Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
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You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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