i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
