Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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