Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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