The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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