The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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