He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
