I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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