btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
