hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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