remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
