Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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