Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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