True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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