we're chasing vodka with high fives
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
