I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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