then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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