Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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