I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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