I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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