FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
