When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
