When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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