I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
