I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
