my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
