Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
