i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
