well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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