I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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